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THE RULES OF GOOFALOT
In celebration of the game Goofalot played on USCH, 2000
1) NVR (No Vote Recieved) for a player will default to the master's vote for the turn.
2) 0.5 GP per SC owned. This is to discourage blatant non-goofy land grabs. But remember it is easier to be goofy with a decent amount of units.
3) Eliminated players can still vote, and be voted for without penalty.
Bonus Rules:
4) Any rule at all can be changed by any player at any time if you annoy me enough.
5) Annoying Mr. Chorn is prohibited, but crashing his judge warrants extra GP! Extra bonus for crashing USIN.
6) Hamsters, while cute and fuzzy, are not to be used in any way as projectiles during the course of this game.
7) Joining a game implies an intention to wear pants through to the end. Removing your pants without a good reason is considered very disrespectful. Don't join unless you are willing to commit yourself to wearing the same pair of pants for entire game, which may take several months.
8) Players in gunboat games may not make any claim, true or false, as to the size of their proxies.
9) By player request, all players must be alive, but not necessarily breathing, to play this game.
/\/\R. Dutch's \/\/ind/\/\ills! The Eiffel Tower! Big Ben! Tower of Pisa! St. Basil Cathedral! Brandenburg Gate! Harem Tent! Innsbruck! The Matterhorn! Stonehenge! Eurodisney! Download Rockys Travel guide. Rockys Travel Guide THE BEST OF GOOFALOT
> To Power Or To Observe - That Is Here The Question!
>
> Prince of Denmark
Greetings, Denmark!
Are you sure you can handle the oh-so-extremely high skill level required to play a goofy variant? I mean, it's not like just any nitwit can write stupid press and stupid orders -- it takes a lot of foresight, strategical reasoning, insight, and intelligence to send your units madly off in all directions and broadcast"WON'T SOMEBODY PLEASE GIVE ME A NOOGIE?" Think carefully before getting in over your head! If you can't handle it we'll understand.
-Fool
> o: con-bul [error, junk discarded: con-bul]
> The frat guy in Connecticut can't get to Sandra Bullock.
>
> 1 error encountered. If error-free orders aren't received by the time I count to 10, you will be > considered ungoofy.
Okay, I think the judge is ready for the game.
-Rob
Ahahaahah!!! Ca se peut tu que ce colon la utilise Altavista? Cette patente la est poche en masse. Une ou deux expressions, et ca pique une crise. A mon avis, tres niaiseux! Eh monsieur le maitre de Goof --- je pense que tu es chaud! Traduis moi donc ca avec Altavista... ;)
> Arrêtez-le! Me forcer à utiliser un traducteur Internet est ungoofy. Avez-vous su goofy > est-vous un mot universel? Mon traducteur disent que goofy est goofy en, allemand, italien, le > portugais et espagnol.
>
> Le Maître de Goof
-Fool
Hey London,
Would you please support me? I mean really, you are several months delinquent on child support. Do we have to go back to court?
-David
Wassssssssssup Hey Rob what'ch doing?
Watching the game, supporting A BUD.
Tunis, Tunis
-Bryan
> Qapla'!
>
And a hearty kerplop to you too!
-Fool
> Hey, what kind of crappy judge is this? Observers can't send phased orders!
What do you expect out of a CHORN? It blew a fuse after calcualting the 30th digit of Pi, and lost to Kasparov in seven turns.
-GoofMaster
God: I don't care what that stupid Van Halen video says, I don't kill dogs and mom's because I have to. I hate dogs! Besides, even though that David Lee Roth was a jerk, the group just isn't the same without him.
-David
> > bmcclure@gpu.srv.ualberta.ca has signed up to play a power in game
> > <cabbage>
>
> What judge is <cabbage> on? I've always wanted to play in a game named
> after a vegetable.
USVG obviously. In case you didn't know, the VG stands for vegetable.
PS: Learn from my example. Don't drink and goof. You could wind up snorting your drink up your nose, which hurts.
-Fool
It's not necrophilia if the body is still warm.
-Bryan
CHESS: ARE YOU MAN ENOUGH??!?
-Fool
This week's Broadcast of:
** Germany's Slow Awakening Begins**
is brought to you by: TWIN CITIES BOARD OF TOURISM
"Come to Minneapolis/St Paul. See the Mall. Get some Nookie."
-Tom
Ey.
I am not a trapper or fur trader, I don' come from Montreal, and I don' know Sylvain, Monique or Pierre, aldough I am sure dey are nice.
I 'ave a National Assembly, not a Provincial Legislature. A Prime Minister, not a Premier. I speak Quebecois, not French, calisse!
I can proudly sow my province's flag on my backpack. You can' even draw your province's flag! I believe in de distincte societe, NOT assimilation. La code civile, not de common law! DE CHEESE AN' DE GRAVY ON DE FRIES, NOT DE KETCHUP!!! And it's pronounce QUEBEC, not KWUHBEK or KUHBEK.
KAY-BECK, esti!!
QUEBEC IS DE LARGEST PROVINCE! DE BEST PROVINCE OF DE 'OCKEY! WE 'AVE DE
REAL TEAM NOT DOSE LEAFS, SACRAMAN! AND QUEBEC IS DE BEST PART OF NORT'
AMERIQUE!
MY NAME IS JEAN-GUY!!!
AND I AM QUEBECOIS!! IN A STUPID BEER COMMERCIAL!! DE COMPANY IS DE FOREIGN OWN'! DE MUSIQUE IS NOT EVEN CANADIEN CALISSE DE BLOE! WHAT IS
WRONG WIT' YOU PEOPLE IN DE REST OF CANADA, HEIN?
-Fool
Nameless Italian Leader #1: ...so he says, "STOKE's theorem, of course!"
NIL #2: ... um ...
NIL #3: That wasn't funny.
NIL #4: Not even a little bit.
-Fool
Episode 10, The Champ on the Romulan ship.
So I'm on the bridge of the Romulan ship, watching my tricorder, just doing my job, minding my own business, when I notice the nuclear warheads have vanished.
So I say "Hey boss" and I say, "The nuclear warheads are gone."
"What?" he says "Are you sure?"
"Yeah" I say, "looks like the TimeLords have got to them."
"What? TimeLords?" he says "This is Star Trek, not Doctor Who. Your tool must be dysfunctional"
"Pardon?"
"I said, YOUR TOOL IS DYSFUNCTIONAL."
SO THEN I LOSE IT!
I fake him with the tricorder, and the loser goes for it! Then a left, and a right to the stomach, and a flurry to the solar plexus!
So he's lying there, and I say "How d'ya like that? Enough 'your tool is dysfunctional' for ya?"
And ever since then, I've been the Champ.
-Fool
BEING THAT GERMAN PLAYER GUY
9:16am....
Sip coffee. Yawn. Blink incoherantly.
Open fridge again. Stare blankly into it.
<signon ggoofalot password.....>
What is this?! Look look! There in the back of the fridge. It's WHIPPED CREAM! Five canisters of it! Oh my lord, it's two-fistin' PAR-TAY time!
Pop off the caps. Open mouth wide. And LET HER RIP!
-Tom
ZOMBIE DISREALITY: Don't interrupt me. Say, can I gnaw on your arm?
-Josh
GoofMaster: Mohahaaa... I have taken control of Germany... my neighbours are all incompetent... soon I will roll the board!!! AHAHA!! I AM EVIL!!!!
Mindless Minion: Mein GoofMeister, do you hear somessing??
GoofMaster: No, actually I don't ... wait now that you mention it ...
......qqqquuuuuAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!
_,---""---.__,-._
/ / __/ "-.
,-" ) \
( ( \ )) )|
\ ____ . / ____ /
'--" \ | / '--'
| | |
FOOOM!!! | |
,-' '\_
_/ || + \
_____________,--" .- ||" \ "--. ._____________
/ / " /
" "
-Fool
www.hamstersbymail.com -- Imaging opening up your mail to find a new, furry friend in a box! Think about the joy you'd give to your friends and loved ones when they get home to find a hamster in their mail! -- www.hamstersbymail.com
www.hamstersbymail.com -- Did your current hampster die 'cause you forgot to feed him? Too distraught to drive out and buy another one? Why not have a special little friend simply mailed to you? Don't let guilt keep you from enjoying freshly mailed hamster lovin'. --
www.hamstersbymail.com
www.hamstersbymail.com -- Can't think of a good science project this year? Thinking Guinea Pigs are too expensive to experiment on? Having a hard time buying new pets at the pet shop now that they've convicted you for Animal Endangerment? We send our Hamsters in specially unmarked brown boxes! -- www.hamstersbymail.com
-Tom
GOOFALOT EXTENSION REQUEST FORM:
1) What country are you? (Germany/England/Other)
Germany.
1A) If you answered "England" to question 1, your request is denied.
1B) If you answered "Germany" to question 1, skip to question 4.
2) State six reasons why I should even waste my time reading this request any
further.
3) List three numbers that when multiplied by Pi, and then added together,
equal the amount of time you spend doing your last broadcast.
4) Have you asked for an extension before? (Yes/No/Virtually Every Turn)
Virtually Every Turn
5) If your exension is granted you will: (Be humiliatingly grateful/Continue to make fun of your foolish benevolence/Send in my orders on time, anyhow/Slack)
Slack off big time.
6) If granted an extension, will you use /\/\R. Dutch in your broadcasts? (Yes/No/I'll use him like the little whore he is)
Planing heavy overuse.
7) Do you think Germany is funny? (Yes/Of course/Well, at least he's funnier than England)
All of the above.
8) The reason for my request is: (Travel/Lack of Access/Livonian Holiday/Other)
Other
8A) If you answered "other" please explain:
Too lazy to turn in orders now. Will probably feel less lazy in two days. Maybe need a week, though. Who knows?
9) How long of an extension do you need? (Two days/Week/Six Months/None. I was just kidding)
Two Days - One Week.
10) Are you very very grateful to your benevolent Goof Master for allowing you this extension.
yeah. sure. of course. always. you know I'm your favorite.
By typing your name below, you promise that you have answered honestly and that you really really need this extension.
That German Player Guy
-Tom
23. Klingon: HIvje' mep vISoplaH. mu'oy'moHbe'.
Please excuse my uncle's copious mucous, we have no kleenex.
-Fool
i un
l a mo t
ro/ \/ \a s_a
Ty/ \in/ \r ____________
h e/ _ \e e | |
T es/ __ / \_ \v r | MUNCHEN -> |
!/ / \_ / \ \y |____________|
f/ _/ \ \s ||
ar/ \ _ \te ||_
,/ / \_ \ep! / \_
rf/ _/ \/ \
A/
-Rob
> hi, new player. second language is english my. translater friend have, he sayhelp me lator.
>
> to france, you ally me attack yes? destroy germany friends ally?
Oooh ... Yoda. You seek Yoda. Take you to him I will.
-Fool
Excerpts from Neil Simon's upcoming ...
THE ODD COUPLE 3
Scene 7: Forever is a Long Time
__________________________________________________
| |
| _________________ |
| / So, do you \ |
| | guys like Bob | |
| | Newhart? | |
| \___________ ___/ |
| \ | |
| AAAHHH!!! LET US OUT!!! \ | |
| \_________ \_________ _____\|__ |
| / / FELIX \ / OSCAR \ \ / ROB \ \ |
| | | UNGER | |MADISON| | |ADDISON| | |
| | | 1920- | | 1919- | | | 1956- | | |
| 8 | | 2003 | | 2003 | | | 2000 | | |
|__\|/___|_|_______|___|_______|_|___|_______|_|___|
-GoofMaster
WINCHILL: Come on, you two. This is serious. We need a gimmick, to keep up our presence in Goofalot. I'm the leader and I smoke cigars, so I'll be Groucho. Ringo, you can do a fake Italian accent, can't you?
RINGO: 'Atsa right, boss.
DISREALITY: Capital, Ringo! Who do I get to be, Winnie?
WINCHILL: You'll be Harpo, Diz, the silent one. Here, take this horn....
DISREALITY: *HONK* *HONK* *HONK* *HONK* *HONK* *HONK* *HONK* *HONK* *HONK* *HONK* *HONK* *HONK* *HONK HONK HONK* *HONK* *HONK* *HONK* *HONK* *HONK* *HONK* *HONK* *HONK* *HONK* *HONK* *HONK* *HONK* *HONK* *HONK HONK HONK* *HONK* *HONK* *HONK* *HONK* *HONK* *HONK* *HONK* *HONK* *HONK* *HONK* *HONK* *HONK* *HONK* *HONK* *HONK* *HONK* *HONK* *HONK HONK HONK* *HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONK*
WINCHILL (grabbing the horn from Disreality's hands): Give me that.
-Rob
WACKA WACKA WACKA!! So there's this GUY, right, there's this GUY and he's juggling BRICKS in a circus act! He's got THREE of 'em, three bricks, one RED, one YELLOW, and one BLUE. So he's JUGGLING, eh, he's juggling, and he THROWS THE RED ONE HIGH up in the AIR, but he misjudges and it comes down in the STANDS and BONKS SOME GUY OVER THE HEAD!! STOP ME IF YOU'VE HEARD THIS ONE!!! So he keeps JUGGLING with TWO, the YELLOW and the BLUE ONE, RIGHT, and he THROWS the YELLOW one high up in the air, but he misjudges AGAIN and it takes out some OTHER guy in the stands! So THEN, so THEN
he's just juggling the BLUE one, and he throws IT high in the air, and...
ummm....
Crap. What was the punchline again...
Okay, SO, there's this GUY on an AIRPLANE, see, he's on an AIRPLANE and he's got his pet DUCK with him -- hah, remembered the duck this time -- so his DUCK is with him, and the duck is SICK, eh, the duck is COUGHING all the time. So he goes to the lady next to him, he goes he says Excuse me, would you mind putting out your cigarette, you're making my duck sick. So
she puts it out. But the DUCK, the duck keeps on COUGHING see, so he looks behind his row and he sees there's a guy smoking BEHIND him TOO, so he goes to him and says Excuse me, would you mind putting out your cigarette, you're making my duck sick! So he puts it out too. But the duck's STILL coughing! So he looks across this AISLE, and there's this guy smoking
CIGARS, so he says to him Excuse me, would you mind putting out your cigar, you're making my duck sick!! So he puts it out. But the DUCK'S STILL COUGHING!! So finally he goes and he looks in the duck's MOUTH, and he finds a BLUE BRICK.
-Fool
Now to dicuss how the 'britain' variant should be played......
So will you conga clockwise?
A Cly - Edi
A Edi - Yor
A Yor - Lon
A Lon - Wal
A Wal - Lvp
A Lvp - Cly
Or Counter-clockwise?
A Cly - Lvp
A Lvp - Wal
A Wal - Lon
A Lon - Yor
A Yor - Edi
A Edi - Cly
Or how about Conga in epicycles???
A Cly - Edi
A Edi - Lvp
A Lvp - Cly
A Lon - Wal
A Wal - Yor
A Yor - Lon
Or my personal favorite, the clockwise version of "Dorking on Clyde"
A Edi - Yor (*bounce*)
A Yor - Lon (*bounce*)
A Lon - Wal (*bounce*)
A Wal - Lvp (*bounce*)
A Lvp - Cly (*bounce*)
A Cly HOLD
-GoofMaster |
